It is the object of this invention to teleport a human being from one location to another by creating a pulsed gravitational wave traveling through hyperspace that asymmetrically compresses and expands the quantum wells of the human energy being. This spacetime curvature distortion of the hyperspace quantum wells pulls the physical body out of dimension such that the human being is teleported along with the wave. As the pulsed wave moves on past the quantum wells, the human is brought back into dimension at some distant location. The invention requires (1) a device that will generate a wormhole between space and hyperspace, and (2) a device that will generate a gravitational wave which can be inserted through the wormhole.

United States Patent Application: 0060071122

John St Clair has applied for quite a few patents:

• Electric Dipole Moment Propulsion System
• Electric Dipole Spacecraft
• Cavitating Oil Hyperspace Energy Generator
• Hyperspace Energy Generator
• Hyperspace Torque Generator
• Rotor Inductance Propulsion System
• Rotating Electrostatic Propulsion System
• Bobbin Electromagnetic Field Propulsion Vehicle
• Electric Dipole Moment Propulsion System
• Magnetic Vortex Wormhole Generator

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hand look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper look like they’re heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal email, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they’re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss – and you *will* get caught – your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

3. Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4. Voice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing – they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they’re not there – it looks like you’re hardworking and conscientious even though you’re being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that the caller will give up or look for a solution that doesn’t involve you. The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is: "Ignore my last message. I took care of it". If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full" – a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed. According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

6. Appear to Work Late. Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.

7. Creative Sighing for Effect. Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are very hard pressed.

8. Stacking Strategy. It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc Can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.

9. Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don’t have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

10. MOST IMPORTANTLY: DON’T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!

The George Castanza Philosophy of Work

Ignoring the fact that the just revealed Origami platform is indeed a small, electronic device, thereby forcing a compulsory moment of craving, we are thoroughly surprised at how accurately Microsoft and Intel have targeted a segment of the computing market completely barren of potential customers.

Robert Scoble attempted some sort of preemptive spin yesterday, walking through the categories of ‘device killers’ that the Origami was not. (Scoble said—to quickly sum up—that the Origami was not an iPod, OQO, PSP, Nokia N90, Treo 700w, or Palm killer, nor was it a portable Xbox.)

Clearly, the Origami is an OQO killer, at least by design. Both devices are pocket-sized computers that run full-blown version of Windows XP, including Tablet PC Edition. (Although the OQO has a built-in keyboard, while the first Origami models do not.) Perhaps Scoble meant “larger and less convenient than an OQO, which would prevent it from killing the device.”

More baffled reactions which we anticipate regretting once Apple decides to use this as a Newton revival platform after the jump.

As for everything else, well, it’s too big to replace PDAs and smartphones—although we can certainly see a day in the near future when full-blown PC operating systems might supplant PDA-specific OSes—and it’s actually less convenient a form factor than a sub-notebook. We’re just not buying that a device with a 7-inch screen and a separate keyboard is going to be worth lugging around in a bag when our smartphones already give us mobile email and basic web browsing. And if this is supposed to replace our laptops, why such a funky form factor? How are we supposed to use the Origami models when typing with a Bluetooth keyboard? Even the two-year prototype with a built-in keyboard looks awkward.

The real news here is probably that Microsoft has developed a version of Windows XP (the ‘Origami’ name comes from Microsoft’s work, we gather) that works with the new Intel hardware to provide long battery life. That sounds great, guys. Could we get that in a laptop?

 
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Related: CeBIT ’06: “Dream Machine” PC Hits 5.46GHz
Related: Origami Revealed: It’s a 7-Inch Tablet PC Platform
Related: DualCor Portable PC Packs Pair of Processors, Puny Price

Originally from Gizmodo on March 7, 2006, 10:58pm